Moonshine
by Rosa D'inverno
Summary: It is one thing to hold on, but another thing altogether to wait in vain. Fuji-OC. Alternates between 2nd and 3rd POV.


Disclaimer: Nothing of _Tennis_ belongs to me.

A/N: Another one of my emotional one-shots. Sometimes, life just forces you to deal with it through writing. It's my way of letting go, I guess. No reviews are expected, but it'll be nice to read them:)

* * *

_I was never one to patiently pick up the broken fragments,_

_and glue them together again,_

_and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. _

_What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best,_

_than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived._

- Margaret Mitchell

* * *

Have you ever fallen from the heights of illusion? The sting of disappointment is nothing compared to the shattering of your faith. Perhaps, you tell yourself, perhaps, part of the fault lies with you. Maybe you shouldn't have given in to those deceitful feelings. Maybe.

Three years ago, you were naïve in your love. Now, you wonder if your heart is capable of loving again. It is that smile of his, you tell yourself. It is that bright, warm smile that never fails to distract you. But now, you see only the coldness behind that smile. Now, you can see clearly those cracks in that mask.

He told you once, "Don't fall in love with me."

You laughed it off then, as you thought it was impossible for you to like him. It was foolish of you to have believed that. Inexperienced, you ended up doing exactly what he told you not to.

--

You run your fingers lightly over the photo on the table. Your index finger pauses at one spot. His eyes, those dark cerulean orbs. You close your own eyes, barely remembering the exact shade of colour. It is the miraculous power of time, you try to re-assure yourself that this numbness you feel is not a result of a heart that has grown accustomed to pain.

You breathe out slowly, and you fight to keep those tears from falling again. Your heart might be numb, but even now, your body cannot help but react physically to the hurt that remains.

"You will be hurt."

That had been his second warning. You didn't understand the full meaning behind his words then. Now, you laugh at the irony of not taking him seriously. He had always been the one to fool around, or to make a fool out of everyone else. In the end, he made you a fool. You were the fool who wanted to change him. You knew it was impossible, and yet you went ahead anyway.

* * *

At first, he found her sweet personality appealing, charming even. Her niceness was a refreshing change from all the other girls who just wanted to have a trophy partner. It was her encouraging words and that non-judgmental smile that drew him to her. It felt different. Then a few weeks passed, a few months, and finally, he became frustrated with how weak he felt he was becoming.

She was growing too much on him, and he couldn't handle it. It was ruining his reputation; he was the legless bird, the one who treasured freedom above everything else. And he wasn't about to let anyone threaten that image of his. So carelessly, and almost cruelly, he broke things off with her. It was for their good, he told himself. But when he left her, he knew he could never believe in that lie, no matter how much he wanted to.

* * *

You walk over to the window, and as you glance out, you wonder how things turned out so badly between the two of you. It is not a new question; rather, the thought has always been at the back of your mind. You just refused to entertain the thought, as you felt you weren't ready to deal with it. But today, you think you are finally strong enough to confront the truth for the first and last time.

As you see the blur reflection of your own silhouette on the glass window, you guess you have finally found your answer. It was an idealistic love. You loved the person you thought he could have been, not who he really was. And he allowed you to keep believing in that lie.

Even if the love was just an illusion, does that mean that all those feelings were not real? Does this revelation over-rule those times you spent together with him? Is there ever a chance to re-wind Time?

--

The autumn leaves fall slowly to the ground outside, and you recall how he used to hold your hands so as to make you dance with him amidst the fluttering reddish-gold leaves. He always had the uncanny ability to make you smile and laugh with him. You never had to second-guess the motive behind all his words and actions. The corners of your lips turn up wryly as you consider how you seem to have lost all faith in him now.

Even if you happen to see him again, all you will do is divert your attention and walk on ahead resolutely, even as you try to ignore his presence. Till now, he still has the ability to affect you. Some things just cannot be changed.

You raise your fingers to massage your temple slightly, the headache is back again. It has been haunting you ever since day one. A physical manifestation of the lingering pain, you guess.

The throbbing in your head increases and the pounding sound in your ears become louder with each passing moment. You close your eyes again, waiting for the pain to fade into a dull ache. Sometimes you wish you can be someone different. Someone more adventurous, more…selfish. That way, you could have avoided the guilt. That way, you won't be the only one dealing with the broken pieces.

A vision of him appears in your mind. You smile as you reach out to touch that familiar brown hair, and that pale face.

"Goodbye Syuusuke, and goodnight."

_I've tried to believe that you were the one for me. I've tried to cling on to the hope that eternity had a place for the two of us. I've tried to overlook all the differences, and all our weaknesses. _

_I've tried. _

But for now, a new morning awaits.


End file.
